Versed In Irony: The Harry Potter Files
by Prongaholic
Summary: Ever wonder why everything always seems so perfect in Harry's world? In this story, we dig a little deeper. Chapter 1: Lily and James w/ marital problems. Rated PG13 for strong language.


Disclaimer: I do not own Lily, James, Sirius, and Voldemort. I also do not own Hermione, Ron, and Harry (duh). Thought you just might want to know.  
  
AN: I've had this idea floating in my head for a while, so I need to get rid of it so I can do some serious writing. This is (hopefully) going to be a collection of stories that are really ironic in how things have happened. Here ya go!  
  
Versed in Irony, Chapter 1:  
  
The Potter's House, October 31, 1981  
  
Lily sat in the comfy leather armchair, bouncing a baby Harry on her knee. Oh, she was soo mad a James, the prick has made her clean up after his big Halloween party that night. While she was handling a crying Harry and the half-drunk guests, James had been in the living room , flirting with Christine, his a shapely, blond secretary. This was the last straw; she'd caught him cheating on her before. Why, there had been so many girls after they had gotten married; Lisa- the schoolgirl slut, Elizabeth- an ex- exotic dancer, Billy- his punky, motorcycle girl, Marissa- his "Mexican taquilla" as he put it in one of the letters Lily found in his office while cleaning, and now Christine. After the first time James cheated on her, he turned his Potter charm on her and she forgave him, honestly believing that he was sorry. It was soon after that he has gotten Lily pregnant, and broke it off with Elizabeth. He stuck with her for that whole year, but a few months after Harry was born, he was back to finding someone else. But it wasn't like Lily had put up with it stuck with him throughout it all; oh no, she had found someone else that James still didn't know about. Ah, yes, Sirius Black. One of the most handsome bachelors's in the world. The only problem was that Sirius was also James's best friend. Right now, she was going to get James to watch Harry; he was James's son too. For a while before Harry was born, Lily had been afraid that Harry might have been Sirius's son. Thankfully, he looked so much like James that she quickly dismissed the theory.  
  
"James! Where the fuck are you! Take Harry!"  
  
James came in, his eyes looking tired. He plucked Harry from Lily's arms. Unfortunately, Harry burst into tears because of all of the loud yelling.  
  
"Get the damn boy to shut up!" yelled James, who didn't feel ready to be a father.  
  
"He's your son too! Why the fuck don't you take care of him?"  
  
"Lily, I have a job. It's hard enough working for the ministry, but when you give me all of this shit I just can't handle it! God, and those mother fuckers in Arabia keep trying to smuggle in flying carpets!"  
  
"I don't fucking care about carpets, James! I care about how your probably fucking Christine in the office!"  
  
All this while, little Harry was crying out his lungs, not wanting to hear his parents fight.  
  
"Will you shut him up? Lily, I can't hold him right now!"  
  
At that moment, Voldemort blasted open the door and entered the living room where the couple was arguing. They were yelling so feircely at each other that they didn't see or hear Voldemort come into the room. Finally Voldemort coughed and the Potters looked up.  
  
"Lily! Take Harry and go! Run!" yelled James, trying to hold off the Dark Lord.  
  
Lily ran up the stairs, not caring about James enough to look down, but instead trying to save Harry, her pride and joy, the only reason she lived. Voldemort came into the room Lily was in, pointing his wand at Lily who was standing in front of Harry protectively.  
  
"Stand aside, silly girl. I already killed your husband. Go away and grieve. Let me kill the last Potter."  
  
"Not Harry! Take me instead!"  
  
" If you join me and move aside, I will bring back your husband, so you both may be together in my power *cough* I mean so you two will be together. Yes, that's what I said."  
  
Lily thought for a moment, about to move aside, when she remembered that it wasn't Harry's fault that James was his father.  
  
"I don't care about James, you son of a bitch! Kill me, not Harry, please! Spare him!"  
  
That was when Voldemort began laughing, thinking, "Do I sense marital problems?"  
  
He put his wand forward and proclaimed, "Avada Kedavra!" Lily fell, dead before she even hit the ground. Harry looked around, thinking, "Where's Mama?"  
  
"Ah, little Harry, you will never remember any of this- of your parent's marriage problems, of their deaths, because you, Harry, will join them in the grave."  
  
"Avada Kedavra!"  
  
**********  
  
100's of miles away, 17 years in the future.  
  
******** Harry clutched his scar. He was in charms class, and Hermione had cast a very strong remembrance charm on him. Was this what really had happened before his parents were killed? His brow furrowed in deep thought.  
  
"Harry? Harry, are you alright? You sorta blanked out for a sec there." Hermione's voice reached his ears.  
  
Harry looked up, to find most Ron and Hermione crouching over him.  
  
"Yeah, I'm okay, I've just got a lot to think about." Harry replied, seeing most of his classmates leaving for lunch. He blinked a few times, and then walked outside the room to the dining hall with Hermione and Ron.  
  
*****************  
  
AN: Hey everyone! This is my first time writing a fan fic to please tell me if this is good or not! Yes, you can flame, just please don't burn me. Please give me some constructive criticism. I know that this writing isn't very good, I've written way better than this before. -Alyssa 


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